The Bane of Blondes

Caslyn McLean

Jan. 2023

I get awesome grades, read lots of books and speak English and French (which in my opinion are two languages with some of the most nonsensical rules), yet I just can’t escape the fact that my hair is blonde. My best friend Ava is in the same boat. She is also a great student and speaks the same languages as me but we both forget to use our brains in day to day situations. I plan on becoming a veterinarian and she wants to be a vet technician. We joke our vet clinic could be Les Blondes Veterinarians with its own reality TV show cataloguing our crazy blonde antics. One day, I locked my little sister in the green house in our yard which has a latch that only opens from the outside. The poor girl was stuck in there for half an hour before mom walked by and heard her banging on the door! The worst part is I was wondering what was taking her so long! I would probably lock Ava in a storage room after discussing something with her, and with my talent, leave her there overnight without so much as thinking about it! Ava’s family is forever reminding her of the time she tried rolling up the truck window from the outside and only realised the problem when her arm got stuck. Each time we visit, her parents recount her latest and greatest blonde moment, then she always brings up her favourite of mine: The That’s Cool! The story goes like this: we were putting our horses back in their paddock because the clouds turned grey, and getting stuck in a thunderstorm is never fun. The horses were getting antsy and so we were doing our best to make it quick. While she was doing-up the gate I turned to look behind us and saw that it was raining 20 or so feet away. I remarked “That’s cool!” which caused Ava to turn around and yell “Caslyn! Run!” Of course, we weren't able to out-run a storm but we sure tried. We made it to the barn covered in mud seconds before the complete deluge began. We waited it out with the old farm dog Louvik and laughed about my silly blonde moment. 

I come by my blondeness honestly because my very book-smart but notoriously  blonde cousin once asked who’s boat they were taking ice-fishing. It’s a classic in the family and always gets brought up when my blondeness shines particularly bright. Such as the time I touched the element in the oven seconds after having turned it off. If it’s not red it must not be hot, right? I had a burn for weeks to prove it.

I know I said I’m good in school but that doesn’t mean my math skills and problem solving carry over to daily activities. In the car a few months ago, I asked my dad how long it would take to go 60 kilometres if we were going… say… 60 kilometres an hour. “Just think about what you asked.” he replied slightly amused. It took me way longer than I’m willing to admit to figure out the answer. Another time that I have felt equally betrayed by my own brain was the time I made a basket on the other team's net in a game of basketball. It took me five seconds after seeing the reaction of my teammate’s faces to understand my mistake while the opposite team cheered and deemed me their M.V.P. Scoring on the opponents net will now forever be known as “a Caslyn” in our gym class. 

I continue to amaze my family by my blonde questions and actions but personally, I think it’s part of my charm. I get so lost in my head that I mindlessly do and say things which definitely reinforce the blonde stereotype. But hey, you can’t be good at everything. I like to say that I save all my brains for school which is why I make a fool of myself from time to time in other areas. Blondes aren’t dumb we just have to choose how to make use of our brains and it's the bane of our existence.