When one of the ladies, who regularly spends time at Winning Ways, offered to contribute a piece about her experience with Poppy, I gladly accepted.  When I read the piece I asked if I could post it on this website so others could also learn about the amazing connection horses can have with humans. 

Warning there is emotional content in this piece!

It was a train wreck, more like a party bus, every single time, and it took horsepower to get over it.

Meditation: the practice of being present and mindful, eliminating all distractions, and achieving clarity with heightened awareness.

I was aware, alright. I was aware that I was struggling with reducing the voices in my head.

“Sit back. Relax with your back supported and your head free.”
Of course, my brain had other plans… it was making plans…“I have to find ten new people…stop. Focus. What did I miss?”
“…up to the crown of your head.”
“What? What am I doing with the crown of my head?”

For two weeks, that was the conversation in my head every time I wanted to focus on the meditation. It was fifteen minutes. Only fifteen minutes. Can my brain stop braining for fifteen whole minutes?

Can it stop chasing the rabbits and focus? No. I tried. Twice a day for those two weeks, and I kept failing. How is this so hard? People meditate all the time. Why am I struggling so much? What can help me to calm down and do the meditation?

Equine Assisted Learning (EAL).

I had the opportunity to be a wrangler for a few sessions. I knew the power of EAL and how the connection with horses can work miracles for a struggling person. Horses live in the moment. They are always mindful and present, connecting with each other and with humans. Naturally, I wanted to try this and reached out to Kelly.  I wanted to get this meditation right and let go of the patterns I’ve had for over thirty years.

Last year, I worked with Poppy to help her be calmer and more confident. I knew I could be quiet enough with her from our work together. It was familiar to my brain. I wouldn’t have to work as hard to focus, and I wouldn’t get frustrated with my mind during meditation. I asked Kelly if I could meditate with Poppy in the front yard.

My goal was to settle my mind while she roamed free in the front yard. I didn’t want to have her tethered to me. Her being close was enough. I wanted her to choose to be part of my moment or to do what she wanted to do. Little did I know what she would do.

I was releasing and learning to let go of the shame I had buried in my body since childhood. The shame from my stepbrother’s assault had shaped me into a person I didn’t like. I needed to heal that part of me to move forward and step into the life I want.

I wasn’t expecting anything from Poppy because I had her in the front yard with me, where she had a huge space to move. I closed my eyes and did the meditation.

Was I still a bit scattered in my head? Yes.
Was it as bad as the time doing it on my own? No.

The first nine minutes of the meditation focused on my awareness of my body to reach the subconscious part. Part of me was aware of Poppy being near. She was about twenty feet behind, and I felt her energy and focus on me.

The last six minutes of the meditation involved visualizing how the emotion of shame plays into my being: what it feels like, how I portray it to the world, how it causes me to pick fights etc. It was hard to look inward and realize how deep that pain of shame was.

It made me feel unworthy, undeserving, unwanted and unloved. It made me feel like the only attention I was worthy of was the kind I had gotten as a child and again as a preteen. It had hurt and made me struggle for so long, feeling like no one would care or pick me.

“Remember what that emotion feels like in your body and recognize that familiar state of mind that is driven by that emotion.”

“Now it is time to admit, to turn to the power within you and tell it what you want to change about yourself.”

“Begin to admit who you’ve been and what you have been hiding. Talk to it. Without fear of judgment.”

When those words were spoken, and I was present at the moment with Poppy, I felt the pain rush through me, and tears fell down my face. I was ready to move on, to be abundant and worthy of what is coming to me.

Poppy came over and stood close to me where I sat on a cement platform. She brought her nose down beside my back and gave me her strength, calm, and power.

 She took on the weight of my pain, shame, and unworthiness and gave me the love, trust, and hope I needed to speak the truth. She gave me her voice so I could speak honestly and not brush off my feelings or what I went through, saying he didn’t know better and it was my fault.

She remained with me for six minutes and even put her front hooves on the platform beside my knee to get closer.  At the end, I rested my head on her, and she held the space so I could ground and center myself once more while my tears dried.

Poppy stepped up and connected. She gave me the strength I needed to begin the last of my healing.

Poppy is a caring and gentle horse that is always sensitive to people. I knew she would be able to help me with the pain I had buried inside and give me the support I needed to shut my brain off. I didn’t ask her, but she came when she heard and felt my thoughts.

I wanted a quiet space in my head to connect with my subconscious and let go of the emotions and the person I knew I wasn’t.

I did not expect her to be willing to take that energy from me to give me the space I needed to dig deeper into myself.

She was very aware of my thoughts and the pain. She took it away from me and lifted my burden. It was a magical moment, and while I knew the power of EAL, it was amazing to feel it.

I struggle with quieting my mind, dealing with the pain of my childhood, managing life stress, and navigating my mental health challenges (ADHD and Bipolar). Being around the horses allows those things to melt away and be in the present here and now, where life happens. It helps to let go of the past, stop worrying about the future, and be intentional and focused.

There is a magical bond that helps amplify your healing when you have the support of horses. If you haven’t tried it before, it is worth doing.